Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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