i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize