She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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