you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
