I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
