His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
