i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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