So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
