bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
