Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
