Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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