if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
