It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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