my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
