before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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