My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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