Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
