oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You ruined the universe
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
