Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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