An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
