currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
