You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
