For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
