if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
