There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you never un-have a 4some
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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