is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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