I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
