Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You are the jesus of drinking
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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