I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
