I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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