Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
