I got chris browned last night
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
