Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
