ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
