dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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