I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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