I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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