but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
