It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
