You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
