Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
