Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so that wasnt chicken after all
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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