highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
