then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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