plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
