dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
