i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
2020 sucks, I want a refund
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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