found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
