sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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