im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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