ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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