Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My ass is underappreciated
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize