getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
