Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
