she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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