did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
