i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
honey bunches of taint.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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