well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
