I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
