So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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