One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize