I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think your dad took our porno
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
