You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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