I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
