I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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