Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
