I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
