you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
