Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
