let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
