We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I would ride that face into the sunset
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
