Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
