Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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