If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
