He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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