i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize