So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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