franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
