i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
